Okay, I wanted to give myself a couple of days to break in 2019 before writing anything about it; a bit like settling into a yoga pose and keeping it stable before moving into the rest of the sequence, but I feel like I’ve got a bit of background to cover before we leap into the next chapter.
Quick note: I’ve not really spoken about yoga before have I? Well, I love it. I’m not particularly skilled, but it does wonders for my back and hips… especially as I work a desk job so a huge part of my day is spent sat on my bum, hunched over invoices or whatever may be on the agenda that day.
Anyway, as I briefly mentioned a couple of posts ago, I’m off to Canada this month! In fact, my flight is Tuesday so I’m pretty excited. I did my first practice pack this morning because I really am a ‘just in case’ packer. What’s the harm in being prepared for a 6 week trip?? I’m so stoked about the whole thing and I just wanted to get organised. Although as I write this… I realise that I don’t actually have my dollars yet.
So let me explain why I’m going to Canada for such an odd period of time, and I’ll fill you in on how things have changed and how that’s okay.
I decided I needed to runaway to properly heal, get my independence back and do something new and exciting for me. I randomly applied for some photography courses online and one of those just happened to be on the ever beautiful Vancouver Island. Luckily, The Dutchaks’ live in Nanaimo and being FAB family members of mine, have invited me to stay with them (again as I visited for a couple of weeks in 2017).
Jumping at this new opportunity, I applied for a 2 year working Visa. Yep, I know that’s a bit… sudden, but it definitely felt like the right thing to do. With everything in motion and my life changing drastically, I handed in my notice at work and began to fine tune the details of my trip.
Sadly things changed. My youngest brother, Logan, is the absolute love of my life. He is the smartest, sweetest, most brave boy I’ve ever met and having beaten Cancer TWICE he’s got a few pins and splints in his little bod which have been causing him some jip for the last couple years. It all kind of came to a head and the hospital referred him to a consultant. Before we knew it they were planning some serious spinal surgery and I was left feeling very guilty about going away.
Just before this all came to light, I was advised I hadn’t made the Visa for 2019 and I would have to wait for 2020 to go on my adventure. This didn’t work with my already cemented plans/flights so I had a LOT to think about.
After much deliberation I decided to stay home with no plans to reapply for the Visa pool next year. Given the circumstances with ‘The Log’, aka Logan, I just didn’t and don’t feel like I could bare to be away from him. Until recently he has spent his childhood struggling with undiagnosed Autism. We have finally had a breakthrough and we’re well on the way to getting him the resources he needs to thrive. Logan and I have such a special bond and although I know he would be absolutely fine without me, I fear I would struggle without him.
So, I will now only go for the 6 weeks already booked, as opposed to the 6 months I would be allowed to stay in the country. This means I’ll be completing most of my course online and will just make the most of the time I do have there.
This is by far the best decision I could’ve made, and my lovely boss has been kind enough to have me back after the 6 week trip is up.
So whilst I’m out on the island, I’m planning to soak up every last moment and experience. I’ve only been once before and it still feels like going home. I know one day I will make the move, but it’s a long way off yet.
Throughout this whole frankly quite stressful process, I’ve learned so much about myself and what’s important to me. I’ve allowed myself to once again believe that you don’t have to be totally selfish in order to get where you want to go. Compassion, family and roots may sound like chains to some people, but to me they are values woven into my very being, and compromise is not something I’ve ever struggled with when it comes to those I care about.
So, this time next week I’ll be on a plane. This time next week I’ll be scared, excited, and free. I can’t wait to hug my family across the pond and settle in to life on the Island for a little while.
Lots of love,
Light fills an unfamiliar room. I’m not in my own bed, but my pyjamas are my own and I wake up happy. Thanks to my cousin snoring loudly across the room, I remember where I am; Lost Lake Road, Nanaimo, Vancouver Island, BC, Canada.
Sleepily stumbling up the stairs I head to the kitchen for a cup of tea. I can hear Alexandra and Shelbey bickering in the lounge and a smile flickers across my face; something about them bickering reminds me of home.
The kettle boils whilst I stand at the kitchen sink, gazing out of a large window to the mountains beyond the back yard. A lump appears in my throat as I reflect on the ups and downs of the previous year. 2018 was a year full of love and adventure, but also hurt and emotional instability. I’ve been harbouring this cocktail of memories and emotion for awhile, and I know it’s not been doing me any good but it’s really hard to let go of what you know. I ponder this for a little while longer, finally confronting things I had locked in the back of my mind for some time. For some reason, it’s much easier to do that here than back at home and I think I’m ready to let it all go.
The sudden screech of the kettle startles me and I tend to my tea. I pour myself a mug and shout good morning to the girls, still bickering about slime… or something? Curling my chilly hands around the steaming cup, I realise this is the beginning of the next chapter… all good adventures start with a cup of tea, right?