Image by Cloudy Thurstag, please go and buy her work because she is EPIC. I have ‘Don’t Touch The Ground’ and it is perfection. Links to her portfolio and shop below 🙂
Earlier in the year, someone I loved told me that they resented me for having anxiety; they didn’t resent anxiety, they resented me. This did not come from a nasty place, but a place of ignorance… and that’s almost worst.
After spending years keeping it in and not letting people know of my daily struggle, I was finally able to open up to this person. I was surround by love and was lucky enough to be one half of a supportive partnership, but I had no idea that every time I needed to let out my anxieties and speak about the struggle I was facing that day/week/month, this person I loved was resenting me for it. I spent the next few months trying really hard to make this person understand anxiety and tried to help them reshape their thinking through letting them in even more. The truth is… I have no idea if it worked.
But I think this really illustrates how sometimes even those who love us and believe in us think that there is a weakness in struggle and that whatever it is we may be dealing with is something for us to just ‘get over’. It’s sad and it’s unfair, but it does not make them bad people and it is why we have to keep having these difficult conversations with the ones we love (and the ones we don’t!) as often as we get the chance to.
If you can spend everyday with a person and be completely honest with them about how you feel and they still cannot accept that your anxiety is something bigger than a problem that needs fixing, please know that that person needs to change their understanding of mental health and you are not in any way responsible for that. You do not have to change and you do not have to keep it in, you should not have to coerce someone to see you and your mind the way that is it… just carry on being you and you’ll be just fine.
Breathe, do Yoga, speak with professionals, family and friends, eat good food and spend as much time in nature as you can; but do not for a second think that any of those things will ‘fix’ you, because you do not need fixing. Accept the hand you’ve been dealt and make the most of it; if people want to resent you for it then let them… and when it’s time for them to go, let them go.